So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
