well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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