I faked an abortion last night.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
