I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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