Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
