and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
