it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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