There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
