her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
