Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
