woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
