we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
