just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
