I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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