I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
