DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,