But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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