Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there