Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class