I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
