You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
