It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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