this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
