A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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