The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
