The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
