Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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