I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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