the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
