I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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