Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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