are you still at the devil's house?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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