It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
