Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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