The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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