I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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