i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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