Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So many bounce houses so little time
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
