The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
