clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
