you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
