i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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