Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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