i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
