My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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