Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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