it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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