We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im part way to drunk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
