I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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