It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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