p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
