I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
