We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
