My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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