So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
