I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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