Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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