he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You took a bar mat shot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
