even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that's an acceptable place to lick
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
