remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize