she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
