she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The air taste purple.
Randomize
