I heard we made out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
