did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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