Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
