ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
