This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
