I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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