ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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