first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
