I got chris browned last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize