Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
