belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
