If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
