its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
