Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have post one night stand depression
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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