We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
