the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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