My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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