why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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