I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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