Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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